Things a woman has to face just because she is a woman

 I have had innumerable experiences of disadvantages of being a woman in the span of 6 decades of my life till now. But here I would like to mention in general what women face in our society. I will cite some examples here.

When a girl is little, during navarathri she is invited for a feast and worshipped as a devi and given some gifts. But this is just once for that one lunch and pooja, not even a whole day. Other than that, from the little age when she just starts understanding words and sentences, she is taught things that girls must do and not do, very much different than the things taught to boys. If ever she questions the difference, she is asked to accept things as she is a girl. 

Things are defintely changing these days and there are talks of equality and freedom to women. But they still face a lot of discrimination and are regarded less than men by both the men and the women themselves. A lady boss is expected to behave in a more respectable way with her men sub-ordinates than the women sub-ordinates. She is told that she must know that though he may be a sub-ordinate, he is a male and would not like to get instructions from a woman boss.

Another instance, when a woman is handling maintenance of an apartment, she is not taken as seriously as a man. All instructions for work and correction of errors to the house keeping staff and security people (irrelevant of them being a man or a woman) are not taken seriously , while the same things coming from a man would be well adhered to.

Normally in families too this is pretty much evident. If suggestions come from a daughter or daughter- in-law, either they are not given much importance by both the genders of other members. If by chance their suggestion seem to be  considered, they are aproved by the male members, and this is acceptable to them. The mental status or psychology of women is also such that if their ideas are aroved by men, they feel elated. 

These are just a few things. I know everyone has seen and faced similar things and have had many more experiences which indicate how our society has accepted the inferiority of a woman compared to a man. I think a lot has to be changed in the way both boys and girls are being brought up. Even a statement like someone "briging up a daughter like a son" or "though she is a daughter she is like my son" promotes the superiority of men. Every child shoud be brought up as an individual with right values and manners and respect for people of any gennder. 

That's a thought which often comes to my mind. Hope things really change for the betterment of every individual.

hindi poem - वृद्धावस्था की बजी घंटी

वृद्धावस्था की बजी घंटी

करते करते बात अचानक क्या कहना है
अक्सर यह भूल जाती हूं,
अभी अभी हाथ में ही तो  थी जो वस्तु
कहां रखी यह भूल जाती हूं।

पहले आराम से जितना कर लेती थी श्रम,
अब क्यों नहीं उतना कर पाती हूं?
सह लेती थी बहादुरी से पीड़ा- दर्द जितना,
अब स्वयं को थोड़ा निर्बल पाती हूं।

चलने-फिरने की स्फूर्ति जो थी तन में,
शने: शने: उसे घटते हुए पाती हूं।
हुआ अहसास कि बढ़ चली बुढ़ापे की ओर,
प्रारंभ कब यह हुआ समझ नहीं पातीं हूं।

झूम उठी थी हर्ष से नानी दादी जब बन गयी,
नाती पोते को देख खुशी से फूल जाती हूं।
आहट न सुनी मैंने पर घंटी तभी बज गई थी,
वृद्धावस्था प्रारंभ हुई संकोच में पड़ जाती हूं।

पलट कर पढ़ने पर शुरू से जीवन के पन्नों को,
कभी खुशी कभी दु:ख से आंखें नम पाती हूं।
जो कुछ भी पाया मीठा-खट्टा , कृतज्ञ हूं सभी के लिए,
संतृप्त हृदय से अपना शीश नवाती हूं।

बढ़ चलो उम्र की गरिमा में रहकर,सार है यही जीवन का,
स्वस्थ रहें तन-मन इसी यत्न में जुट जाती हूं।
जितना सा है जीवन के पिटारे में, केवल अनुभव हैं मेरे,
धन्य जीवन होगा यदि काम किसीके आ जाती हूं।।

                           विमला

Life is a non stop movement

Had been to a beach last weekend. Not that this was the first time at any beach, I have been at the beach many times earlier too , but this time it was a different feeling. The continuous movement of the tides brought a thought in my mind. This movement is there in the ocean for ever. I just thought what if this movement stopped for a while. It brought a feeling of strange fear- may be that would be the end of everything. I was lost in such thoughts.

I started thinking about life. One important characteristic of life is continuous movement. It keeps moving 24/7. nothing can stop it. Any amount of happiness  or joy would not stop life from moving, any amount of loss or gain, sorrow or worries or anything for that matter, cannot stop the movement of life. It keeps moving and moving. Sometimes one may feel some moments very short or long, but the movement is always there. The day the movement stops, it is the end.

Movement and time are part and parcel of life. My elementary school teacher, whom I cannot forget for ever, used to tell " Time and tide wait for no one". When in school, we used to write proverbs on the top of the black  board, and this used to be the one very often repeated. May be I could understand the word meaning of this at that time. But as I was growing and to this date, I have remembered this 'n' number of times in life and felt (I am using the word felt, because I think that is more appropriate than the word "understood") the real meaning of it.

And this time too, I had a deep feeling that took me to the memory lane of all the backs and forths, the  ups and downs of my life. Fifty six years on this planet is a long time that I have lived a life and will still see it moving and moving till the end comes.I do want to go through the whole of my life that I have lived till today and may be give words to my thoughts and feelings and blog in here. I wish to keep this feeling alive in me and help me put my life in words.

Hong Kong

Right from my childhood, anyone going to a foreign country seemed so lucky for me, a girl, who was brought up in Coimbatore with little exposure to cities like Bombay (Mumbai now), Delhi and Calcutta.

When I was about 27, and a mother of a kid and expecting another, the trip to Hong Kong was finalised and I felt that it was a dream come true. . Though it was going to be a pure business trip with my husband, I was very excited about stepping into Hong Kong and visiting one of the best cities of the world. This was in 1984. Emotionally I was at the lowest because I had left my little one back in  with my parents and siblings, so that I could go on this tour.

We boarded the Air France from delhi, and after some time, I told to myself - at last I have entered a foreign sky. The landing view at night was marvellous. I was wondering at the beautiful view, thinking that foreign is so beautiful. We took a cab and headed towards Tsim Tsa Tsui, the area suggested by the friends back home to look for a hotel to stay in. The sight while passing through the streets was a real feast to the eyes. On reaching the place, we started our hunt for a hotel.

This was where I was shocked. We were taken by an Indian inside a hotel(a good one -as per his view), had a look at it and I thought I could not just stay there. But the cost was so high that we would have to think about even  affording that, going to look for a better one, was something not to be thought of. I just could not imagine sleeping in that small room which could hardly fit a cot 4 feet  wide and using a common bathroom, so damp and wet, without ventilation, and such other problems.

Anyways , the thrill of being in a foreign city did not decrease. I got ready early the next morning to walk out on the street of Hong Kong and experience the new environment and the surroundings. Being able to communicate in english was a big plus point because otherwise it would have been really difficult . We visited a few shops whose address we already had. 

It was very much different from home. The way people greeted each other, shaking hands, with be it any gender, was all strange. When one person brought his hand forward, I folded my hands and I could see the strange feeling on his face. An Indian man would shake hands with any client or customer be it a man or a woman, but if an Indian woman shook hands with a man, the first thing is the woman herself would be a little hesitant. But then thinking that it is a custom in this country or any other country for that matter, and if she shook her hand with the opposite gender, even her husband would give a strange glance in question. Very awkward situations were in store during that visit. (I am talking about things way back in 1984, I know things are very much different now). This is not any kind of a complaint. But a reality, about which when I think today, find it so ridiculous. But it required quite a few foreign tours to get used to things and start feeling them as very normal. Now even in India it is quite normal.

Coming back to the point, I did have many such different experiences. Apart from that, the commuting, the ferries, the big malls, the beautifully laid streets and the skyscapers were amazing, interesting and really worth seeing. It felt like a totally different world. Someone remarked that now that we had seen Hong Kong, we had seen a mini world, because Hong Kong was so developed and had the latest of everything .

A nice trip at that. But the anxiety to reach home back and see my little one gripped me on my way back. I had a shock of my life when she refused to come in my arms though she recognised me showing her anger and unhappiness at my leaving her off during the travel. Till this day, I cannot forget the look of pain and anger that I could see in those little eyes. The memory of it still brings tears in my eyes. I could not explain to her then that it was a totally business trip and that I could not take her with me.